This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He has the fingertips of a God
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