just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize