All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
