it was like his penis was on wheels.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
