The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
