dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
