Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
