***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
