I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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