but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
