chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
