i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
