your thong is hanging out like whoa
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
