in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
