mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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