he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
