I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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