Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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