you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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