This is not my ceiling
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
