Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
