Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
