Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
