So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
