Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
