This is not my ceiling
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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