yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
