i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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