Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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