Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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