I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
