Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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