I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
