You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm bleeding and have questions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
