Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
