You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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