Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
