Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
