so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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