so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
