Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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