the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
