they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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