yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
