fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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