i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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