I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize