Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
