nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
