You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
