There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
