Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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