i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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