Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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