Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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