I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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