mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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