She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
