I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
