I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
