He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
