He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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