This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
