I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
