guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
