Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize