I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
