That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
