sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
