I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
