You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
