Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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