I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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