you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
