i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
