8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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