i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize