I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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