I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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