and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
