As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
