Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
