Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
