IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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