last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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