i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
