weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
