Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
