Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
