where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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