i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize