my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize