I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
