I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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