Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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