i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
